Honey, we need to talk
Core Principles of Extraordinary Relationships Series
Last updated 3/9/2021 at 12:05pm
"Honey, We Need to Talk."
Can you see the husband's eyes roll to the back of his head while he exhales a deep, labored breath, and his shoulders drop? Those five words can strike fear into the hearts of many a poor soul. It doesn't have to be true for you.
Wouldn't it be great if there was some simple formula to prevent the scenario this husband and wife are experiencing? I may just have the answer for your dilemma ... the big C Word.
Communication! Yep, I said it. It's possible to implement a few steps into your relationship toolbox and change frustrating situations into no biggee moments.
Here are a few tools you can use:
1. Always stop what you are doing to listen – this type of listening requires you to look at the person speaking, acknowledge what they are saying, it doesn't mean you have to agree, only acknowledge you are hearing them.
2. Always, and I do mean always, assume the other person is on your side and not against you. This is especially important for those of us who are hard of hearing and don't always hear correctly. For instance, if you hear, "Did you see three elephants in the dining room?" It's probably not what your partner said, unless you live on the Serengeti.
3. If it isn't a great time to have a deep topic discussion, tell your partner you would like to discuss it at another time. The key for this tool to be successful is you must set a future date and time for the discussion – preferably when both of you are fed, pain-free and rested. Then make sure you show up – this build trusts.
4. Don't be shy about expressing yourself using kindness, respect, and honesty. Give each other time to speak and try not to talk over one another.
5. Have hard and easy discussions. Some feel the only time to use these communication skills is when things are bad. Often, we don't use these skills for important conversations to discuss the good stuff. If you only use these tools when everyone is upset, then you begin to think "we need to talk" as a negative trigger. It doesn't have to be that way. Use your powers for good and to conquer evil. You can do it!
Couples who have an extraordinary relationship put these skills into practice every day and enjoy the benefit of great communication and closeness. God says in the Bible, "BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger," NASB Ephesians 4:26a.
If we choose to discuss the hard feelings, misunderstandings, and share our joys before we rest then we can have relationships with fewer frustrations and more delight. When you are willing to work things out and agree to not bring up old hurts (because they've already been resolved) you can be free to enjoy free-flowing, open communication with the ones you love.
These tips are only the beginning of great communication, but they are a huge step toward experiencing an extraordinary relationship.
The next time your honey says, "we need to talk," practice being an extraordinary partner, pull out and use your new communication-skills-toolbox!
DeeDee Lake is The Connection Expert at Cherish Relations Retreats.