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When even the coffee won't help

 

Last updated 9/15/2021 at 9:44am

Yes, I am still living. I am still doing stuff and burning the candle at both ends. Sadly, that means that anything that needs doing and requires my brain is usually skipped over. I go through my mundane days like a robot without routine. Yep, losing grip a bit. I am in such dire need of a break that it is seriously having an effect on my creativity and sanity. Even my best love, coffee, isn't helping.

I am bogged down by puppy pee and puppy vet visits for his broken leg and his shots. I am bogged down by the glum attitude of the members of my household, so negative and ugly much of the time. I am bogged down by the amount of work the house requires when people are in it ALL day, every day. I am bogged down by the lack of a routine and the ability to see a light at the end of the tunnel in the form of a break. Alas, I see no break anywhere in my future. Isn't life supposed to be easier in your golden years or when you retire? Old Man retired and he chooses when he does yard work or when he sits in his recliner all day watching something on TV and napping. I do not have the same retirement... I am always working and then feel guilty if I am not when I do sit down to watch something or just take a break. Am I of so little value?

My mission today is to not make you feel sorry for me, NO. I am hoping that someone else may feel like they are driving a 'may break down' car. Struggling to find peace and happiness is not what you looked forward to in your golden years. I want to know that I am among others that feel the same way, that I am not alone in my struggle to breath currently... I need soul food! I need things in my life to feed my soul like music, laughter, art, peace, intelligent conversation – and most of all, kindness. I really miss kindness.

I am at a low that I have not experienced before. I have been seriously low of course – you cannot have a child die and not hit a really bad low; but this is an all-new different kind of record low. I am OK. I have food and shelter, so I am aware that my problem is totally ridiculous. I understand that others in this world or in this very town have much greater struggles. I guess I just wanted to have a pity party for myself... I will get over it, I always do somehow, and I will don a new face full of the smiles people expect of me.

So, will you stop reading my column because I needed to tell you I am struggling? Will you stop being a friend to someone in need? Are your relationships based on your perception of how a person has been presented to you? Or can you really and truly be the light that someone needs in their life, as a friend? Could you save a soul from a dark place by simply having been there? You betcha! Have coffee with a friend even if they are not the best company at the moment. Be a friend to them and listen to the in between words... there is always a hidden story, maybe even a broken soul that is teetering on the edge. Just be there!

You can contact Alice at [email protected]

 

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