Christmas trees are like a distant cousin. They come to your house, surround themselves with presents, and stay a month. Then they begin to shed, and need somebody to drive them off.

People often do strange things with cut trees. One of my neighbors pulled out a chain saw and widened his front door three feet. That allowed him to bring in the tree without bending it, and it made a great spectacle the neighbors could video.

Once inside the home, some people say you should cut a couple inches off the base of a live tree trunk, and immerse it in a tree stand filled with water.

If your tree’...